…what is time? What forces drives this measure to give it its outmost importance in this modern world? We have too little, we have too much… Why? Is it because we attach our hearts to it? Our most inner beings? Our souls? Why is time so short when happiness rules our hearts and seems so endless when it realms by desperation? How do we stop time? How do we make it last forever? How do we find a way to cope with time, to make it leap forward to a better place or return backwards to the beginning of our first smile?
I watch the clock as the second hand tics slower and slower… one second at the time… one after the other. My heart rate slows down to its pace and every heartbeat feel like an eternity longing for the blessing of a mere lifetime. There is no time, there is no space… only the pain and the illusion of a dream, beating like a living organism, twisting itself to an unrecognizable shape, devastating all future hopes. Still in the midst of it all, an unfledged and fragile light defies the storm and refuses to die. The very light that makes time fly, that turns hours in to seconds and transform an ocean of suffering to one single tear… it’s there… pale, flickering… but it’s there. Maybe one day it will grow to become the lighthouse that keep me from perishing against the rugged shores of this ocean of despair I’m drowning in. Until then I’ll keep waiting… in the dark… seeking spiritual relief in the solid comfort of liquid despair not fearing the darkness, only the silence that accompanies it.