…how big that word is… how magnificent and how intimidating it is. How many failures for every success it contains, yet the word itself is the very fuel that keeps the engine running towards the conquering of our goals and helps us to overcome what ever obstacle or failure that lies along the way. Purpose… a word full of meaning made out of countless ingredients, crafted into endless shapes – all as individual as the very mind it originated from. Purpose is what defines us as individuals and lays the path to inner salvation or eternal remorse.
Some may say the purpose of life is procreation while others will proclaim that love is the only true purpose in life. I don’t know what it is anymore. For many years I thought it was to make a difference in the world- to create something that would transcend my own mortality and make a positive difference in the world. Maybe that purpose was nothing short of a delusion of grandeur – just a far too big of a dream for a far too small man. As life stripped me of my victories, one by one, what little purpose I had left diluted in to the night, not to be found again.
So what happens when the engine no longer is fueled? When the cost of success is a price we no longer are able to pay due to the large debt made out of previous failures after failures? What do we do then? How do we find a purpose when the few things that matters today are unreachable because of decisions we took in the past? What is the point of external life when the inside is merely flat-lined? I used to have a purpose but somewhere along the way it turmoiled in to a frantic haze as my own lies became the only truth I could rely on. Now, in the aftermath of yet another battle lost, little is left but remorse and the memory of a future I’ll no longer will live long enough to enjoy. As the dust settles only one thing remains clear… unless I’ll find a purpose soon, I’ll fade away and my journey will come to an end.